Wednesday, December 7, 2016

Older Men Dating Younger Women

oldermanyoungwomanIt’s funny how, as chil­dren, we’re told that it’s what’s inside that counts; to treat oth­ers the way we want to be treated; not to judge oth­ers; and that it’s impor­tant to have role mod­els. It’s also inter­est­ing how these refrains go out the win­dow when we encounter some­one who doesn’t quite see the world the same way we do.
What’s wrong with older men dat­ing younger women? Nothing!
A lot of famous, inspi­ra­tional men who we’ve looked up to have dated and/or mar­ried women much younger than them. U.S. Pres­i­dent Grover Cleve­land, South African anti-apartheid activist Nel­son Man­dela, writer J.D. Salinger, artist Pablo Picasso, astro­naut Buzz Aldrin, and sil­ver screen roy­alty such as Humphrey Bog­art, Lau­rence Olivier, Fred Astaire, Robert Red­ford, and Jerry Sein­feld are all exam­ples of older men dat­ing younger women.
But you don’t have to be rich or famous to date or marry much younger women.
Sure, there are a num­ber of stereo­types about older men dat­ing younger women, but that doesn’t mean they’re true. Older men who date much younger women are not all cads who left their wives in a des­per­ate attempt to relive their check­ered uni­ver­sity years. Like­wise, the much younger girl­friends are not all brain­less won­ders con­tent with being eye candy.
On the other hand, if you’re an older man mar­ried to or want­ing to date a younger woman just because she’s younger, then per­haps the stereo­types apply—in which case, you prob­a­bly don’t care.
For the most part, older men dat­ing younger women are look­ing for the same thing every­one is—to find an intel­li­gent, nice, and beau­ti­ful per­son they can con­nect with. As a result, a rela­tion­ship between an older man and younger woman can be just as healthy as a rela­tion­ship between two peo­ple the same age.
After all, rela­tion­ships are more com­pli­cated just than one issue. If age was the lit­mus test for mar­i­tal suc­cess, the divorce rate would be sig­nif­i­cantly lower.
Half your age-plus-seven rule: To avoid being embar­rassed in public—and to stop peo­ple star­ing and snickering—it’s been sug­gested that our cul­tural dat­ing rule of thumb says older men are not sup­posed to date women younger than half-their-age-plus-seven. For exam­ple, using this equa­tion, a 45-year-old man shouldn’t date any­one younger than 29-and-a-half; though he can round up or down at his leisure—probably down.
Not sur­pris­ingly, some have sug­gested a sim­i­lar equa­tion that opens up the dat­ing door for older men even more. Instead of half-their-age-plus-seven, the other equa­tion is to take seven years right off the top and divide by two. This sim­ple adjust­ment means a 45-year-old man could sup­pos­edly date a woman as young as 19 and still avoid being a cul­tural cast-off.
Though really, when you think about it, any older man that looks at a younger woman and con­sid­ers whether or not she fits into this rule is basi­cally admit­ting that it’s more impor­tant to bend to those who are intol­er­ant ageists than to be happy.
For rela­tion­ships to suc­ceed, cou­ples need to: con­nect emo­tion­ally, phys­i­cally, and spir­i­tu­ally; feel free to be them­selves, be vul­ner­a­ble, and know they can make mis­takes and be accepted uncon­di­tion­ally. Cou­ples also need to have fun, grow, and evolve together.
The last part is espe­cially impor­tant for older men dat­ing younger women. Why? Because you’re vio­lat­ing everyone’s con­cept of what an accept­able rela­tion­ship is. Con­nect­ing and hav­ing fun means suc­ceed­ing where oth­ers thought you’d fail.
Sadly, every­one seems to be pre­oc­cu­pied with the idea of age when it comes to older men dat­ing younger women. A weird thing to obsess over when there are more men con­cerned about find­ing women based on their hair color, height, weight, eye color, and cup size; or being turned off because her toes are too long (or any other triv­ial phys­i­cal trait).
Age is just a num­ber. Older men date younger women. Some find their soul mates while oth­ers do not. But it’s worth the risk.

Tuesday, August 2, 2016

Older Men Younger Women Dating Truth

tumblr_o5s6gwcuF71sbr778o1_1280The first thought that comes to many women’s minds when they think of older men dating younger women is that men might only be interested in eye candy and in perpetuating the illusion of their own youth. For some men, this may be true, yet I have found that the attraction is a little more complicated than that.
Older men love dating younger women because of three primary reasons.
1. Younger women may be more sexually attractive to them.
2, Younger women help older men feel more youthful.
3. Younger women idolize older men and do not call them on their issues like an older woman might.
These are all the stereotypical reasons that come to mind to some people think older men love to date younger woman. According to famed psycholigist Abraham Maslow, there are five basic human needs experienced to varying degrees by all of us. However, some of us have higher needs than others genetically at different developmental stages in our lives. Here is some food for thought in regards to that.
First is the survival need, which encompasses the need to stay alive with food, clothing and shelter but it also includes the psychological needs to feel safe and secure. Younger women are often looking for a sense of security that an older man can provide. Older men love dating younger women because the level of security they can offer a younger woman satisfies her in ways it might not an older partner he might seek.
The next need is connection. We all have a need to be connected to other people. Some of us need that more than others. This is a need that is different for men and women at different stages in their lives. Young adult women typically have a larger need for connection. While they will create careers, their main focus is their relationship and creating a family. Young adult men, on the other hand, are most focused on the need for significance. They have relationships and start families but their primary focus is figuring out a way to make it in the world. In young adult relationships, these needs are often in conflict, as the woman wants more intimacy and quality time and the younger man is instead focused on work and building his career.
The next need is freedom. People with high freedom needs do best in relationships with someone else who also possesses a high freedom need. Another reason older men love dating youger women is because even though she is focused on connection, she might be willing to allow an older man freedom in exchange for the security and the attention he gives her when they are together. This ofte creates a win/win arrangement for both.
The fourth need is fun. A younger woman still has a keen sense of energetic fun whereas an older woman may have transitioned into meeting her fun need with her children or having a quieter kind of fun. This younger, energetic kind of fun is attractive to an older man who may be feeling his mortality and seeking a bit more fun than he’s had in his past relationships.
Older men date younger women for many reasons. Some of the relationships last, some don’t. Here’s why.
1. Fantasy love fades. Usually within a year. At first, the older man is in love with her looks and youthful spirit. Eventually, he realizes all they have in common is a roof over their heads, and he’ll be off to look for a relationship with substance he might not thought he found with a younger woman.
2. Older men may say they feel younger, but dating younger women won’t make them younger. No matter how hard older men try to make the wrinkles disappear, the darn things keep showing up in the mirror.
3. Older men and younger women utilize each other, similar to a business arrangement. He has money, assets, power, and security; she has youth and beauty. If the money runs out, or someone richer comes along, she may break the lease, leaving him with an empty wallet and his arms around a tree trying to survive the storm the relationship may have created.
4. OK, maybe she’s not using him. Perhaps she loves him because he’s more patient, laid back, mature, gentle, and understanding than men her age. Still, she’s likely considered his financial attribute at some point. Rarely do I see younger women with destitute older men. Do you?
What matters most to all people is love, no matter what the age or circumstance. With more love in your life, there will be more life in your love.